8/9/14: Michael’s Landing; north shore Castle Rock Lake (Adams County, WI).

Now, more than ever I’m absolutely, positively convinced that boobs rule the world.  More on that in a minute:

Michael’s Landing.  Back in the day.  Checkered Past used to play at M’sL way back in the summer of 1998.  On the northern and eastern edge of Castle Rock Lake, still along the beautiful Wisconsin River, an area known for its summer vacationers and water enthusiast is always a great gig for traveling musicians.  Locals mingle with happy (and intoxicated) campers.  That’s always a great atmosphere to perform great classic rock to the peoples.

In 1998, the place was owned by some great folks.. most I’ve forgotten except for the bouncer: “Animal”… a great mountain of a man, that was known to stop entire bar fights by picking up the fighting offenders by the scruff of the neck, and tossing them, airplane-like, out of the door.  He was a good man to have around as one of our biggest fans. 

Not too much has changed, as I pulled into the winding dirt road that led around the backside of the resort.  We were set on an outside well-constructed stage, and I could smell the burgers and brats already cooking.  Our show time was set for 3pm. 

Along with the band, there was a hula-hoop contests, a Limbo contests, a “beer bellies” contest, a men’s only “best buns” contest (and no…  we didn’t….not at this age.  Maybe years ago… but that’s another story), and the obligatory later-in-the-night “Wet T-shirt contests.” 

This show was what we call the 3-4 Checkered Past…  without guitarist/keyboard extraordinaire Clint Bast, we did the less-refined show… with Mike sometimes covering on guitar, and Brian doing some of the bass guitar work.  Brian almost didn’t make the show, due to family obligations.  Our good friend, Pete was going to stand in for him doing the bass guitar duties.  Somehow, Brian managed to arrange it so that he made the gig.  Thank you both to Pete and Brian…  both professionals in every sense of the word.

It was good to see Carol and Lisa show up as fans….  We thank them for their continued support and for getting the crowd into it…  see? You CAN dance in the grass!

Dirrrty Power:  As the show got underway, we noticed odd oddities afoot.  Sound began cutting in and out, loud buzzes, squeaks, and general electronic misbehaviors were effecting the performances on the stage.  After Brian spent some time pulling out hair and flipping switches, it was determined that we had a bad episode of “dirrrty power.”  That’s when long lines of ac power (probably interconnected with beer coolers and electric cookers), create a condition of low voltages.  Low V in return can cause irreparable harm to electronic sound equipment.  As shown is the graphic below:

V = 100 (V_S — V_L) / V_L

V = Voltage regulation in percent

V_L = Voltage across load

V_S = Voltage at source

V_S =

 = is the angle by which the load current lags the voltage across the load

Cos  = Power factor of load

R = Total a-c resistance of feeder

X = Total reactance of feeder

I = Load current

Approximate formula for voltage drop:

(V_S — V_L) = RI cos   +  XI sin 

The result is dirrrty power.  Fortunately, our “power scrubbers” (my term for them) reacted to the low-voltages by occasionally downing the system.  (Pretty smart for a little black box, eh?)  After a quick switch of power and taking some harrumph away from the boom bass, we continued with the show.  

We did the standard 1^st set, with our usual aplomb.  Then came the hula-hoop and limbo contests.  The 2^nd set is where we had much of the power problems… solved by Mike and Brian.  The resort owners smartly “whooshed away” the children from the park for the next, more “adult” contests.  The “beer belly” and “best buns” contests. 

Meeting the “Dog”:  As a former nickname of mine, it was interesting to meet the real DOG (Clay).  I met him on my way into the bathroom.  He (towering over me at least 6’5”) said, “Hey man, great music!  You guys are doing a great job!”  Then he shook my hand.  It was strange as I saw my entire paw disappear into his.  And here I thought I have big meat hooks for hands!  Found out later from his lady friend, that it was his birthday.  If we forgot to mention it, Happy Birthday, Dog!

Boobies!  

Now, more than ever I’m absolutely, positively convinced that boobs rule the world!  I mean, I have used the term, metaphorically… mostly in my work-life.  “What bunch of boobs came up with this stupid idea?”  (Seems like I say that more and more these days)  Anyway, I digress further.  I never meant literally.  However, now I’m re-thinking that.  I think that women’s breasts do indeed, rule the world.

Mike: “Guys, I think I’ve figured out how to be a successful rock band in today’s market.  We just need to have wet t-shirt contests at every show.”

Scott: “Yeah, like we would bring the wet t-shirts with us where ever we would play,”

Mike has a valid point.

We did a really good show… people clapped.  A few danced.  The “Dog” loved us.  We had people sing along to “Keep your hands to yourself.”  Lots of smiling faces and bopping heads.  But, once the so-called wet t-shirt contest began… it was absolute and complete pandemonium.  Suddenly, we were the best band on the planet!  Or, at least the stage the we were standing on was the best place in the whole world to be, right then.

Mike finds his calling:  If you live long enough, there comes a point in every man’s life…where he realizes his true calling and his reason for living.  Some men want to create works of art.  Some, to climb Mount Olympus.  Some, to write the great American novel.  Even some, to reach outer space.  You can see this graphically expressed, for example, in the movie “Independence Day,” whereas Will Smith (Captain Steven "Steve" Hiller, USMC) takes the alien craft into space to try to destroy the invaders.  He says:  “I’ve been waiting to do this my entire life.” 

Such was the moment Mike took the microphone to MC the wet t-shirt contest.  Hard to believe we had to talk him into it.  But after that, it was like watching a true artisan at work!  He conjoiled, conjosseled, bamboozled, shawed, shassaled, and bajizzled those 15 ladies into wriggling out of their clothing, for money and the entertainment of the enraptured audience. With the help of “Bob,” the water boy (sufficiently wetted down the perky and not perky alike), he got down to the bottom of who has the most bodacious ta-ta’s on the stage.  A 3-person panel of “experts” chose the winner.

The winners were beautiful and gracious and the losers….well, as I’ve said: In this contest, there ARE no losers.  Everyone is a winner!  

An hour later after our third set, the band took back the stage.  I apologized to the audience, claiming that it would be difficult concentrating on the remainder of the songs that night….   “It’s not easy to play guitar with an enormous ******”  

We played the last six or seven songs to the very appreciative crowd, and finally we were done.  The obligatory end of “Big eyes,” ended the show.  It really was a good night. 

The case of the missing dongle: I have an awesome wireless guitar unit (Sampson) I have used for the last couple of years… it’s been very reliable and one of my important pieces of equipment.  The wireless unit consists of 2 parts.  The receiver, and the transmitter…. Also called a “dongle.”  Sometime during the last couple of months, I had lost my dongle.  I was very sad that I could not use the wireless on my guitar.  

Thinking I put it away somewhere in my house, I have turned the place upside down looking for it.  Mike informed me that he had found it one night after some show, and he would return it to me at the next gig.  I am looking forward again to playing with my dongle. Errrr wirelessly is what I mean…. That has absolutely nothing to do with the wet t-shirts I guarantee you…. Er…   ah, something like that.

I got home around 1am Sunday morning.  I thought it would be another very early night.  I was totally wrong.  Still, it was a pretty good night…  reminds me of the old days.  

But, I'm probably too old for this stuff!